Amelia

This is a sweet little photo shoot taken in Springfield Mo. at Fastnight park. I met Amelia and her parents and was instantly in love with the sweet little princess...

Was It Meant To Be?

I know I am not supposed to think this way but sometimes, not often, I question if I was really meant to be a mother, mom, mommy, etc... you get the picture.

My only daughter Kylie was not planned and I, to say the least, was not prepared for what was in store for me.

It all started when I was single and full of so much life not knowing where the next day would take me.

I was all about me.

Then there were two...Kylie Dianne Sanders was born October 21,1993. I was very apprehensive but would never admit it. It seemed more a responsibility than anything. There were people in my life that told me I couldn't make it with a child on my own saying that she would be called a bastard and that I should give her up for a better life....I didn't care because it was meant to be.

I look back at those people and say "HA!" really loud and keep on going. But were they right? I have deeply buried feelings that re-surface now and again reminding me that this really wasn't meant to be. Did I defy the stereotype and become a "supermom" with a "superkid" - answer in one word - No.

I second guess so many decisions I have made throughout her life. I question why sometimes her and I can create the best memories by simply riding in the car and singing at the top of our lungs or going over the day we both had at work and school. Those are the things that I remember most. I also question why I can't wrap my head around her growth. It sounds strange, I know, but I finally get to where I THINK I know her and then she goes and switches up on me and is someone I don't get or understand or even like. These are the times that I question my decision and wonder if it was really meant to be?

I find myself loving her more than life 99% of the time and everything I do is for her. She takes so much and doesn't realize it, how could she? She is 16 years old. I worry about EVERYTHING and most of all I worry about letting her down. It started all those years ago when I was told "You can't do it". I know it will never end but a little less would help so much. I feel bad admitting that but it is what it is...meant to be.